I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
