Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
