I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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