My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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