I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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