Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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