im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
