I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
