i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize