i permit you to call me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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