I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
