I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
