I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
