Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
