i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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