I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
As shirtless as possible
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
