walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
