I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize