If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
