he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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