i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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