Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
