I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
