Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
