The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize