oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
