debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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