You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
