last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
