Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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