I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
