some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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