Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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