i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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