please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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