there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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