i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
