he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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