He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
