I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
