He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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