Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
