I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
