Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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