i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
