Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We have started to decorate penises.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize