Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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