I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
