Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
