I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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