I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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