We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
