Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
