Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
