Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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