It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
