i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
