I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize