I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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