Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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