I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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