I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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