I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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