last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
