Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
